yesterday i visited psychologist that was recommended to me by Irina.
my impressions are quite vague: on one hand she didn't give me feelings that this person can solve my issues, but on another hand Iriny was really happy with her and she looked great at our last meeting. Her eyes shined - i saw it for the first time since her daughter came back to Moscow from Austria.

So, I decided that If I give a chance to her and to me it will be much better any time than sit at home and do nothing with my mental condition.
More than hour I told her about my situation and most important (as I think) moments in my life.
Than she asked me what I wanted from our conversation? What is my target?
This question puzzled me at first... Actually what I want from her? How she can help me?

My target is more calm and structured life without any decline in my standards of leaving. At that I want to give a birth to a baby and not to leave society at that, I want to continue my professional and personal development at that.

But in order to do it I need to clean up my brain/thoughts and get rid of some obsessions.

For example In the end if our meeting she told me that me and my father are not the same as my husband and my mother told me so often.
I believe that this statement made by professional in psychology is the reason to think about it at least.
May be it is true and I shouldn't think that I will come to the same result in the end of my life: loneliness, energetically parasitic existence on a spouse, hate from the side of children.

We differ and our life and its results will be different and I can live on and not to look back to the personality and destiny of my father.
This prospective is really greate!!!

The second thought for thinking she gave me at the meeting: my mental condition is normal reaction on the curcumstances of my life. Everyone would be nervous if he was in my place. Nothing abnormal or outstanding.

I believe that it is quite good results for the first meeting.