Trying to concentrate and to make myself become a right girl, to do right things and just work, learn, sometimes meet friends, i realize that i can think only of future summer and warmth - the only things that really can make me feel exciting, can make me close my eyes and just smile.
Cause i cruelly miss that free regime of life, i don't feel even my implication to everything what happens around. I smile when i return home after working day, hard or not - it really doesn't matter and hug my pillow to watch colourful dreams. I Do Not Live. I don't write about my full-fledged understanding of this phrase, i do not live even on a half. Home-work-parties and so on.
but it's not a kind of depression when "everything is bad, i don't know what to do and all this world is just a piece of shit" - no)
i know what i want now and here. First of all i miss my free time and long sleeping. At second, i awfully miss warmth. It magically gives me new energy, new life... when i breathe in night warm air, i feel that i live. I miss my dear Minsk and all my places there, my balcony, my sky, my cat (which hadn't even recognised me last visit) I miss my sittings on the window and meeting sunrises, i miss drinking beer watching sunrises, smoking tasty cigarettes, i miss laying on green grass.... Yeah, when i begin to speak about Minsk, i use the same words and never can stop. But i want there for 1.5 or 2.5 weeks, not more! Here...i want to ride a hourse, to walk all night long, to swim in the fountains and so on.... and depend on nothing. No work, no university.
- But a lot of money to provide for my freedom - i'm such a child!
- Shut up, disgusting inner voice!
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So i just have to dream of summer Paris, Nashestvie, possible Piter and maybe summer trip to the sea. Where i will DO LIVE. In my full-fledged understanding.