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16-03-2009 21:59 Easy modal verbs: Alice in Modalland

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do; once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, its title said “Kaushanskya”. – “And what is the use of a book, - thought Alise, - without pictures or conversations?” Suddenly a white rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her, and she heard his murmuring:
- I can’t… He can’t… We can’t…
He crossed the field and poped down a large rabbit-hole. Burning with curiosity, Alice followed him into the hole, that appeared to be a deep, long tunnel.
Down, down, down.
A suddent thump! Thump! She came down upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
Alice looked up and faced the White Rabbit, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other.

- Where on Earth am I? – asked Alice astonishingly.
- You CAN'T ask me such a question HERE, - said the Rabbit quickly.
- But what CAN I ask you then?
- That, what you’ve just asked!
Alice was looking at him absolutely puzzled.
- I mean, - explained the Rabbit – that here, in Modalland, you CAN only show your attitude towards the actions or states. Here everything CAN be possible and impossible, probable and improbable, obligatory, necessary, advisable, doubtful or even uncertain, but remember: here everything depends on your attitude to it.

And as he said it, he quickly ran away. Alice followed him and very quickly found herself near a neat little house on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the phrase engraved upon it: “In the Rabbit’s house you CAN get a shape of all kinds”. The first thing that she noticed upon entering the house was a bottle with the label “You CAN drink me”. Alice uncorked it and put it to her lips. “I know, something interesting is sure to happen” – she said to herself. It did so indeed: Alice began growing and growing and very soon had to kneel down on the floor, in another minute there was not even room for it and she tried to lay down, she put one arm out of the window and one foot up the chimney.
Just at that moment the White Rabbit jumped up her hand and climbed up her shoulder.

- CAN you leave my residence, please? – asked the Rabbit.
- I’m afraid, I CAN’T, sir, - Alice replied – And I CAN’T even suppose, what’s going on with my proportions.
- Well, it is possible due to circumstances that you’ve changed your ability and capability. Because of that you’re expressing doubt, astonishment, unreality and incredulity – all that emotionally coloured. You know, MY attitude to the things is always the same.
- But could you help me, sir? – cried Alice
- Could? Could? – cried the Rabbit astonishingly in reply. – How CAN you remind me about my past!
Just at this moment Alice felt that she began getting a normal size.
- Now – the Rabbit continued – go to the wood of Past Time, if you WOULD. – he emphasised the last “would” and immediately ran away.

But Alice continued becoming smaller and smaller, till the tiny room seemed to her a spacious hall.
When she left the house she saw a wood on the other bank of the river. “It MUST be the Past Time Wood”, -said Alice to herself, happy that she had learned how to express her attitude towards the things around her, - “but how CAN I cross the river when I’m so tiny?!” As she said these words her glance met the eyes of a mouse that was the same size as Alice.

- Excuse me, sir. I NEED your help. How CAN I cross the river?
- You MAY cross it if you WILL.
- WILL you show me how can I do it?
- This river is called Thime, - said the Mouse moralizingly.
“The poor Mouse MUST be mistaken, - thought Alice, - the name of the river MUST be Thames”
- And the currency of the Thime, - the Mouse continued,- is so high, that you CAN’T cross it without changing your form.
- But what SHALL I do? I WOULD be happy to change my form! I WOULD like to grow up!

Upon finishing this phrase Alice felt herself differently: she discovered that she was already on the other bank of the river and had become of her normal size.

- Good of you – a voice sounded just at Alice’s left ear, she turned her head and saw the Mouse on her shoulder - All you SHOULD do is just tho change your attitude thowards the things around you. “Would” – was the magic word. Now we are in the Pasth Thime Wood.
- You mean PasT Time Wood.
- Yeah, buth my theeth preventh me from pronouncing “th” correctly. Now I WILL thell you my sthory.
- What your story WILL be about?
- Ith is abouth why I hathe “W” and “ll”. On the opposithe bank of the Thime I MUST always thake care abouth the future. Buth here, in Pasth Thime Wood, I do whath I WILL do: ith is a habbithual thing for me tho refuse tho perform an action and follow my volition and inthention.

Alice heard some noise not far from them; as she turned she saw the White Rabbit, who was arguing with the Turtle. They MUST have been reproaching each other as some phrases reached her ears: “you could tell me… it might have spoiled everything… I could have stayed there…”

- What are they doing over there? – asked Alice
- Ah…They’re expressing unrealithy… - the Mouse answered.
- I also want to express unreality! – cried Alice and ran towards the Rabbit and the Turtle. – Excuse my interrupting you, but MAY I also express unreality?
The Turtle paralyzed in uncertainty. It was the Rabbit who broke the silence^
- Hey, I know you! I dare say, you CAN’T express unreality. You CAN only express yourself.
- I’m… I’m not sure, - the Turtle started in a deep and hollow tone, - I’m not sure whether you MAY or you MAY not. As the circumstances prove the possibility that you CAN only express yourself, I suppose that I MAY not give you the permission to your request. You MAY ask the Queen of Musts about it.
- Could you show me the way to her? – asked Alice.
- The Queen might be on the opposite bank. You MAY climb up my back and we’ll cross the river.

Alice obeyed immediately. As they reached the opposite bank of the river the Turtle showed Alice the direction to the Queen’s garden supposing that she might be there. Alice thanked the Turtle and ran along the path. She had passed almost half a mile when she saw a large mushroom about the same high as herself just in the middle of the road. She looked it through and when she glanced on the top of the mushroom, she saw a large blue caterpillar that was sitting with its arms folded quietly smoking a long cigar. The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other in silence, at last the Caterpillar took the cigar out of its mouth and addressed her in an emphatic tone:

- Who are you?
- I hardly know, sir. Just at present, at least. I know who I was, when I were in the Past Time Wood.
- What do you mean by that? – said the Caterpillar sternly, - explain yourself.
- I’m afraid, I cannot explain myself, sir, - said Alice, - because I’m not myself, you see.
- I don’t see, - said the Caterpillar.
- I was said that I could only express myself, but here things are so queer that I’ve mixed up everything: what I could be or may be or would be, you know.
- I don’t know. You – girl – you’ve lost your modality, see? And what do you want from me? SHALL I give you a strict order or just a warning?
- COULD you give me both, sir?
- Well, listen. You SHALL make out your own attitude towards the things around you. If you don’t express it the things SHALL got out control. SHALL I repeat it to you?
- No, thanks. I MUST have just forgotten about it. But I promise I SHALL remember your advice. But one more question, sir, where CAN I find the Queen’s garden?
- Just behind the nearest bush, - was the Caterpillar reply.

Alice rushed towards it. A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were two gardeners at it busily painted them red. Alice thought this was a very curious thing and she came nearer to watch them. She heard their voices:

- NEED I paint between the petals?
- I dare say, you NEEDN’T. I hope they won’t notice it.
- WOULD you tell me, please, - said Alice, - why you are painting those roses?
- We NEED to paint them as the Queen said that the roses MUST be red and we put a white rose in by mistake.
- So we DARED to deceive her, because if she find it out, we should be defected.
- What do you mean? – asked Alice in a great surprise.
- They would cut our verbals and analytical forms, - said one.
- They said, - the other added, - that even the Queen and the King are defective. Once they blamed each other and the executors HAD TO obey the obligations.
- Look! – the first gardener interrupted him – the Queen and the King are coming.

And they hid behind the rose-tree. Without paying attention to the rose, the Queen stopped and looked at Alice. She said severely:

- Who is it?
She said it to somebody in her suite, who only bowed and smiled
- Idiot, - said the Queen, - It MUST be the particle TO
- Then – the King answered - we HAVE TO defect it. The first law of Modalland said: “Say NO to particle “to”
- Well, I’ve changed my opinion – the Queen said – it MUST be an auxiliary verb “do”
- In this case we HAVE TO defect it. As the second law of Modalland said: “Say NO to auxiliary “do”
- You’re speaking nonsense! Here I produce obligations, prohibitions and orders. And you decide whether they are necessary, because of the circumstances, or not. Whatever you are – the Queen faced to Alice – you MUST take part in the caucus-race.

The King came to Alice and said:
- You HAVE TO go to the play ground.
- What SHALL I do there?
- You HAVE TO look the competition between two creatures. They have an eternal debate – who is better. And today we’ll know who SHOULD win and who OUGHT TO win.

First the servants marked out a race course in a sort of circle (“the exact shape doesn’t matter” they say) and then the whole suite was placed along the course, here and there. They suddenly began running when they liked and went off when they liked, so that it was uneasy to know when the race was over. After half an hour or so the Queen suddenly called out: “The race is over!”

- But who has won? – asked the King.
This question the Queen couldn’t answer without a great deal of thought, and she sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon her forehead. At last she exclaimed:
- Everybody has won!
- Oh… there never will be an order in Modalland.. – grumbled the King.
“I shall never learn them” – King’s voice turned into Alice’s sister’s one.
And then Alice heard: “Wake up, Alice, dear! Why, what a long sleep you’ve had!”
- Oh, I’ve had such a curious trip!

Current music: Philip Glass - The Hours
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