universal game machine "toop:нячок"

legend :
* - system messages
> - user entry
|| - hints, info, etc.

unlabeled text is a game text, generated by u.g.m. "toop:нячок"


* system is starting up...
* system brains filled with beer
* system is fed up with everything
* system is ready

Welcome to the UNIVERSAL GAME MACHINE " T O O P : Н Я Ч О К "
"toop:нячок" build 0.0.1a (unstable)

* system is waiting for players..
* Giraffe connected
* game started



> Giraffe enters the matrix

matrix is loading..

> Giraffe is waiting

matrix appears
giraphe enters the matrix
giraphe sees marix all around

> Giraffe thinks that matrix looks like Boolat office

"Boolat Office" appears
giraffe thinks a lot of time

> Giraffe wondering through the matrix looking for a Neo. Neo ows money to Giraffe

money does not appear
neo does not appear neither
hint unlocked: "Motherfucking huge size of the matrix"

> Giraffe uses the hint
> Giraffe uses matrix to find Neo

giraffe reads the hint labeled "Motherfucking huge size of the Matrix".
|| Matrix is big. Very big. Motherfucking HUGE.
|| No one can tell you how fucking HUGE matrix is..
|| you have to see it for yourself.."

Morpheus appears.

*command skipped [Giraffe use matrix to find Neo]

> Giraffe speaks to Morpheus - Who da fuck are you, nigga?

morpheus is terrified.
morpheus says "You're thinking you smart? Heya, fuckin whitie, try these pills to find your Neo, you bitch. I'm outta here"

red and blue pills appear.

> Giraffe understands that Morpheus is drugdiller

giraffe understandings do nothing

> Giraffe asks how much costs the pils

giraffe asks [B]who?[/b]

> Giraffe asks who is who

"who is who" doesn't answers

> Giraffe thinks "Definitely, this is matrix" and takes a red pill

Morpheus says "Hey you, thief!" and hits giraffe with his head in giraffe's head. giraffe loses 55hp.

> Giraffe thinking "Whatta fuck?" and hits Morpheus balls with his iron leg

morpheus was critically hit in his balls, balls fell off, drop to the floor and roll under the sofa. morpheus lose 172hp. morpheus yell "AAAARGH! MY FUCKING CHOCOLATE SALTY BALLS!" and crawl under the sofa.

pills are resting on the table.

> Giraffe is grinning! He takes pills and eat both of them
> Also, giraffe pick up salty chokollate balls and put them to the inventory

morpheus is yelling from under the sofa "Hey, you stupid, don't even think to take both of them! It's too dangero.." but the rest of the phrase you won't hear.

giraffe is in new location.
it's too dangerous.

*command skipped: [Also, giraffe pick up salty chokollate balls and put them to the inventory]

> Giraffe decide to look over new lokation

location is too dangerous.

> Giraffe is terrified

location is terrified

> Giraffe put himself together and decides to inspect the location

location contains:
a closet
stack of boxes
4 walls
light switch
an eminem
a shotgun
a box of bullets
a chainsaw
a i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is
a door

> Giraffe takes shotgun, load it with boolets, shot on the Eminem, piss on
> the walls, boxes and door, throw shotgun out, takes buzzsaw, cut Eminem body
> to pices, put the light on, looking on all mess and
> wondering-what-da-fuck-it-is liyng on the floor?

giraffe puts shotgun into inventory
giraffe can't find "boolets"
*[shot on the Eminem] you have to load bullets into shotgun to shoot

giraffe pisses on walls, boxes and door
eminem smells the piss

giraffe throws shotgun out
eminem picks up shotgun

giraffe can't find "buzzsaw"
eminem is terrified

morpheus is yelling from out of other location under the sofa: "KILL THAT WHITIE SCUM!"

giraffe finds out that he can cut eminem's body to pieces with his hands.
so he does.
eminem critically dies in terror.

giraffe can't put the light on, because it's already on

giraffe looks around
i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is is lying on the floor, covered by eminem's remains and giraffe's urine

> Giraffe is terrified himself about what he has done, but he doesn't whant
> to loose time, so he tries to understand what-the-fucking-this-thing lying
> on the floor as that maybe a key to the answerm and that may help him to save
> the world!

i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is is not a key
i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is doesn't help
i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is just lies on the floor

hint unlocked: "try the boxes"

> Giraffe tryes the boxes. The are wet.

*giraffe can't know they're wet, because it's [B]MY DEAL to say they're wet.

giraffe tries the boxes. THEY ARE WET.[/b]

> Giraffe open the boxes
> all of them

giraffe opens all the boxes.
it takes 1.5 of hour to make it all.
giraffe is covered with his urine.

all boxes contain red and blue pills.

> Giraffe takes the pills and use them on the
> i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is

pills stick to i-wonder-what-the-fucking-this-thing-is

* system is going to temporary shutdown
* system shut down @ 18:13:25, 14/10/2003