Под катом - критика эпизода с черным айсбергом, которую мне дали на реддите. Много пунктов, про каждый надо подумать, выбрать, что править, и т.д.
Здесь лежит, чтобы удобно было найти в любой момент. Не в закрытой записи, потому что, во-первых, вдруг кому-то будет интересно, а во-вторых, потому, что закрытые записи народ не любит и начинает подозревать всякое.
Page 200 looks good. The only thing I'd add is slightly thicker borders and maybe a panel gutter. The words "legend of the black iceberg" could be bold for emphasis. "I'm sorry mother" could have different linebreaks so the text has a diamond shape instead of an hourglass shape.
201 -- "There's the one about..." could be "here's the one about." Watch out for tangents in panel 3.
202 -- Looks good. Slightly ambiguous if the engineer/healer/slayer are the same three as the cave dwellers/hunter chief, but one assumes so.
203 -- "There's the door" doesn't make sense at first. I think this is where /u/thebluetruth is pointing out that if you "zoomed out" to show that we (the readers) are looking at the characters looking at a book, the "there" reference would be more clear. Otherwise (instead of redrawing) change the text to "There was a door that asked them..."
204 -- Not sure why the text bubbles changed here. They were better before.
205 -- The empty panels don't look right.
206 -- Speech bubbles here help show that the speakers are off page.
207 -- As a reader, don't know who "the mutes" are or why it matters. "No why" is out of place and responding to the earlier bubble, not the one it is adjacent to.
208 -- Good page.
209 -- Speech bubbles change again.
210-211 -- Ok.
212 -- Looks like the vines are talking.
213-216 -- Cool pages.
217 -- "They never came back" doesn't make sense. Might work better as "But they never came back with the other children."
218 -- Confusing. Feels like a textbook.