Прям дежавью какое-то. Чувствую себя вточности как в Декабре 2011-ого года. Точно так же хочется все бросить и убежать. Делаю глубокий вдох начинаю убеждать себя, что все нормально, что это лишь начальная фаза такая, но всякие ломплексы и страхи начинают выедать мозг и тогда уже все становится совсем хреново. Нервы на пределе, настроения никакого... Фигня какая-то..

Time after time I find myself thinking that I'm not mature enough for some things that take place in my life. It's not like I feel that constantly but sometimes I feel like life and it's events are a little bit ahead of my current mental abilities.
So I wonder if it's only me, or others also are having these asynchronous feelings?

My deepest fears

Verji jamanakner@ nervayn fons prosto zashkal a anum. Sax kutakvel a, sax dzgac a pahum, sax azdum a u haziv em dimanum, vor chgoram. Prosto bard periud a. Mi 10 koxmic liq@ ban gruzit a anum. Gorcer@, verji eventner@, planer@, mtqer@... Vobshem poni borsh a mejs u durss katarvum. Mnum a haskanal, te vonc a petq es sax handle anel, u lav klini aranc zoheri.

Состояние напряженное

There's one thing that always confused me in movies, comics, cartoons etc... You know when for example one guy from the team acts weird, because he was brain swapped or mind controlled. I was always thinking how is it possible not to suspect anything? I mean guy's friends and surrounding act like he just became an asshole and they turn against him. I mean isn't it obvious, considering you're a team of superheroes and especially that his eyes are changed?! What about that? Or they want to say, that eyes thing is just visible for the audience? Stupid. But anyway that case always get solved somehow. Good guys cleanup fellow's mind and punish the bad guys.

Well the similar things happen to me time after time too. Sometime I act like an asshole for some reasons and people around me never try to puzzle out and try to find out, that maybe something is wrong with me on this moment. Maybe that's the reason I don't control myself right now... But instead they just take the defensive position or even begin counter attacking. I'm not stating that they have to be aware off all my ups and downs, but consider this: in all the movies the obsessed guy gets fixed by the end. His team helps him and brings him back to his feet and doesn't make a stupid fight with not talking and shit.

Ahavor tarorinak yeraz. Inch zartnel em dra masin em mtacum.
Vonc vor indz hanum en im himikva gorci texic, pritom yes chem haskanum te inchi. Daje havats chi galis. Im mej qcum brnum em, uzum em haskanal, bayc meka chem haskanum u inch vor zzveli obida a mots. Tipa yes liq@ hogi em drel es gorci mej, mekel vdrug voroshum en indz hanel. Uzum em shefutyan@ harcnel, te inchi en hanum, bayc chgitem xi chem harcnum. Dra tex@ tenc txur helnum em man galu poxocnerov, u inch vor canoti em handipum (chem hishum ov er, inch vor anhayt figure), vor@ indz tanum a inch vor firma, vor@ gtnvum a vonc haskaca Shinararneri verevi masum, to li Algoritm-i shenqi koxq@, to li henc Algoritm-i shenqn a. @ndex eli inch vor meki het enq xosum, yes asum em, vor gorc em man galis (kam chem asum, chem hishum). Heto sksum em fral et taracqov, u jogum em, vor meeec firma a, vortex liq@ jahel programmerner en ashxatum, voroncic shatin pritom chanachum em. @nenc tpavorutyun a, vor qaxaqi sax ujex demqer@ @ndex en. Sharunakum em shrjel taracqov. Tesnum em, vor mijavayr@ obshi bavakanin azat a, people-@ sax or@ irar vra inch vor prank-er en anum, senyakner@ nenc inch vor kayfot mess-i mej en, bayc zugaher hamel ashxatanq@ erum a. Mtnum em mi hat senyak, vorum parzvum a Java Script-i team-n a nstum. Ed pahin yes haskanum em, vor ete indz daje uzum en stex gorci @ndunel, to vorpes JS developer. Senyakum handipum em arajva kursecus, vor@ real kyanqum eli web developer a, bayc yerazums ashxatum a et firma-um. Sksum a indz patmel, te vonc en iranc mot ashxatum, inch podxodnerov u inch es pti vochmi depqum chanem. Ed sax @ntacqum yes nervayn vichakov em, vorovhetev mtacum em, vor yete lini el, to SFL-i patmutyunn a krknvelu, qani vor iranq mec firma en lurj masnagetnerov, isk yes Java Script gitem "enqan vor". Porcum em mekin asel, vor yes Action Script-i masnaget em, voch te Java Script-i, bayc vaxum em, vor ed depqum kasen petq chem.

Heto Hason indz raztnacnum a u yes zartnum em full of weird feelings and thoughts.

Obshi hima vor qcum-brnum em, analiz em anum, parz a darnum yerazi patcharner@. Prosto es yerazi patcharov mi dzev aveli @ndgcvecin en harcer@, voronq orva mej zbaxacnum en im mozgis background processing@.